Should I Send My Child To Grief Camp?
In a word...yes!
In a word, Yes!
There are several reasons that you, as a widowed parent, should consider sending your child to grief camp. I’ll cover a few of them from both a coach and a widowed mom perspective:
Children who have lost a parent face several unique challenges in their grieving process. I cannot cover them all, but I can highlight a few, and, hopefully, give you some insight as to why being with their peers is so absolutely critical to their grief process:
First, and most important fact: Children grieve differently from adults.
But there are more factors to consider:
· The ubiquitous myth that “Children Are Resilient”. Like most pieces of bull, it needs to be charred to a crisp. I hate that phrase with a consuming passion as it was trotted out to me repeatedly at every IEP meeting, every parent teacher conference as I spoke and advocated for my son’s needs.
Here’s my professional and personal take: Children are ADAPTABLE, not necessarily resilient. There is ample research out there that our children are affected lifelong by the death of a parent. So, why do schools say this? In the teacher’s defense, that “adaptability” our kids show is Oscar Class ACTING because (1) The adults are giving them messages that its NOT okay do to anything but “get over it” and (2) Their peers DO NOT have any life experience or understanding to help them process that loss.
So, if the majority of adults don’t get you and your peers don’t have a clue, what can you do but paste on a smile and act? In my school’s defense, I found pockets of excellence in grief awareness. There were teachers, counselors and administrators who got it. I did get some excellent support in the IEP process-but I educated and advocated for it as well.
I also had school staff say to my face, “He’s fine. School is an escape-he’s smiling in class.”
Note that same day he came home and threw his backpack against the wall, yelling in frustration, “You know what mom? Today sucked. One of my classmates told me he knew what it felt like to lose a dad because his DOG died. And then my English teacher assigned a project to put a timeline together of the important events of our lives. What am I supposed to say? 2014 my dad died in an auto accident…I don’t remember 2014-2015 and 2016? Oh, and let’s NOT FORGET the lecture I got about having to keep my HEAD IN THE GAME and GET OVER my loss from my advisor.”
Our children’s unique grieving process can be difficult to support in the midst of our own loss as our kids are surrounded by adults who are suffering as well.
· We don’t communicate well that kids have permission to grieve. I had men say to my 11 year old son at my husband’s funeral, “You need to be strong for your mom.” And “You’re the MAN of the house now.” After the funeral, my bewildered son looked at me and asked, “Mom, what does that even MEAN?”
Your child may not want to burden you with their pain when they see the depth of yours.
Your child might be struggling with complex and conflicting emotions and not know how to express them
Your child might not feel that they have permission to experience the full range of emotions, to be happy in the midst of sadness. My son was told by some peers at school he wasn’t “allowed” to laugh because that meant he did not miss his dad.
This is where grief camps come in. They are typically dedicated to school aged kids who have experienced a loss. The age range is usually around 6-17 years. Some are sleep away and some are day camps. What is critical is that at a grief camp, your child’s grieving process is the focus of the camp and they are experiencing it with their peers who have also lost someone. It might not be a parent, but the experience of grief bonds them.
How they help:
They help children to accept their range of feelings: trained staff create an environment where children and teens can talk about their full range of emotions around the loss in an environment of acceptance. They can be…without being “fixed.”
They connect grieving children and teens to peers who also “get it.” Depending on the camp, it may not be a parental loss, but this feeling of being understood by a peer group cannot be understated.
They offer group exercises and sessions with counselors that give children and teens a language to express grief, develop critical coping skills and find a rhythm that works for them as they work to integrate their grief process into their lives post-camp
They offer the opportunity to be happy without judgement. Kids and teens need a place to play and still experience childhood without guilt for “not grieving enough.” Sports, camp activities, creative arts (drama, arts and crafts) provide respite and also places to access grief and emotions in a supportive environment.
They offer the chance to counter the anxiety and uncertainty of grief with confidence building activities. Let’s face it: Widowhood rocks our world as adults, never mind that of our kids.
They provide interaction with nature, which can be calming and healing. Grief camps use the environment to promote healing through interaction with nature. Some include animal therapy as well.
They provide resources and respite for families. Grief counselors can offer insight to widows and widowers about supporting children through the grieving process. Plus, camp time provides respite to the surviving parent to focus on themselves for a bit and, perhaps, recharge.
Is there a downside to grief camps?
They end and widowed parents may want to seek follow-on support resources. They are a welcome respite but the kids and teens come home. I’ll be posting a blog post about support for grieving kids and teens and when I do I’ll link it to this post.
They can dredge up feelings that kids and teens have suppressed. The purpose of the camps is to give support and a language to grieving kids and teens to express what they are feeling. But sometimes when they return from camp, they are still processing those feelings. For that reason, I recommend that parents consider a “quiet week” after camp to give their child(ren) time to process. There may be some residual feelings that come out….which is a good thing.
When should I sign up for them?
·Now!. No, I’m not kidding. Some camps have a November 1 deadline for the FOLLOWING Summer. Even if there is a future deadline, you need to put it on your calendar AND set an alarm on your phone.
Is there a cost?
Most grief camps are run by non-profits and are low- to no-cost options for your child(ren).
There may be travel costs, but you can also seek aid or sponsorships for that.
Where can I find Grief Camps:
· If you look you can find them. I have a few resources below from my widowed groups.
Here are the list of Grief Camps I have heard great things about. Please check them out for yourself, just as you would for any summer experience for your child(ren). And if you have one you love, comment below!
Grief Camps
Camp Katerpllar (Katerpillar Kids Camp) Katerpillar Kids Camp - Covenant Health
The Katerpillar Kids Camp is a camp designed to help children who are dealing with the loss of a loved one. For over 25 years, the camp has helped children in the East Tennessee community experience grief in a supportive environment while making new friends and learning that they are not alone in their experience with loss. This yearly event is in partnership with Mane Support, which uses horses in a therapeutic approach to grief counseling.
Camp Comfort Zone (Comfort Zone Camp) Home - Comfort Zone Camp
Comfort Zone Camp is a nonprofit 501(c)3 bereavement organization that transforms the lives of children who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling, primary caregiver, or significant person. Our programs are free of charge and include trust-building activities and age-based support groups that
What distinguishes Comfort Zone Camp is that parents can attend with their children for separate sessions AND the groups served: children and teens (7-17) with their families AND young adult programs for 18-25 year olds.
Camp Erin (Camp Erin | Eluna Network) Camp Erin comes highly recommended from several widowed parents. Camp Erin is the largest national bereavement program for youth and families grieving the death of a significant person in their lives.
Camp Erin supports children, teens, and families through in-person day and overnight sessions and online programs. Participants attend a camp experience that combines grief education and emotional support with fun, interactive activities.
Camp Erin is offered in local communities across the US and Canada through a network of partnerships with grief centers, hospices, and hospitals in, as well as directly through Eluna’s Camp Erin Online program.
Camp Kesem: Camp Kesem Info
Kesem is a national 501 organization that supports children who are affected by a parent's cancer. It provides year-round programs and services to support these children, ages 6–18, at no cost to families. It has a presence at more than 130 college and university chapters in 44 states is and the District of Columbia.
They operate Camp Kesem for kids who have a parent who has a cancer diagnosis. While not specifically for kids who have lost a parent, we have had widowed parents send their children there post-loss and reported good experiences.
TAPS Good Grief Camps: 2023 TAPS Good Grief Camps Schedule
TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Programs for Survivors) is the national nonprofit organization providing compassionate care and comprehensive resources for all those grieving the death of a military or veteran loved one. Since 1994, TAPS has provided comfort and hope 24/7 through a national peer support network and connection to grief resources, all at no cost to surviving families and loved ones. TAPS operates regionally based grief camps throughout the year. The first deadline for the February camp in the Southeast Region is November, so click the link above to get the schedule and register if your spouse was a veteran.
Camp Magik Camp MAGIK
Camp Magik (Mainly about grief in kids) is a residence camp in Georgia that hosts camp for grieving children. It also hosts special sessions for children who have lost a parent (Camp Erin) and has hosted weeks dedicated to specific losses (such as COVID).
Camp Widow Kids: Camp Widow® Kids San Diego - Camp Widow
Camp Widow Kids is an allied program for parents who registered and are attending Camp Widow San Diego, a fantastic program run by Soaring Spirits. I have attended Camp Widow personally and can attest to the quality of the program. When a parent registers for Camp Widow San Diego, their child (ages 5-17) can also be registered for their own camp that same weekend. The program is separate from the adult program and comes highly recommended.
Experience Camps: Camp - Experience Camps
Experience Camps are free one-week camps for boys and girls who have experienced the death of a parent, sibling or primary caregiver. They provide safe environment where kids can explore their grief, break the isolation they may feel with their non-camp peers, and have a whole lot of fun. The model the camp uses is to combine the best elements of summer camp with a clinically-informed peer support model that normalizes grief and allows kids to connect with other kids who “get it,” creating a sense of community. They operate them in regional locations in the continental U.S. and Hawaii.
Grief Camp Directory:
The National Alliance for Children’s Grief keeps a grief camp directory on its website at National Alliance for Children's Grief | Find Support (nacg.org)
If you know of a great grief camp or your children had a great grief camp experience, comment below!
Maggie Moore, The Widow Coach™
______________
About the author: Maggie Moore, The Widow Coach™ is a Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist™, Widow, and Coach. She specializes in taking clients from “desolation to transformation” via her Widowed Navigator™ system, teaches a full suite of grief recovery classes, is a sought-after speaker for groups and professional certification, and consults with businesses affected by loss. You can reach her at maggie@thewidowcoach.com
#grief #griefsupport #griefandloss #griefjourney #griefsucks #lossmeme #loss #lossmemes #lossofalovedone #widow #widows #widowlife #widowsmovie #widowed #widower #griefquotes